I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
