im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
