so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
