She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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