It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
