I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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