He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
