Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
