Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
