You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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