I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
