Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
