I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
