Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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