pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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