He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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