oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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