I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
