Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
