where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
