Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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