Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am one with the molecules
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
