I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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