I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize