I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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