you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
