I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
