Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
