so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize