Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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