i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
