he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
