I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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