my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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