Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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