guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
