apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
