The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
