how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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