Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
