tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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