There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
