I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
