so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
