Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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