you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
