I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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