I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
