Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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