Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
