okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
