After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
