lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
