Define "chronic" masturbator.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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