I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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