I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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