Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
