It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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