every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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