You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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