i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize