You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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