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Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
