is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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