i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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