Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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