I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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