She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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